I have come to a season in my life where I am not my best friend's best friend...   I do not get out much and my friend moved quite a ways away until just recently and made a lot of other new friends around her.  Honestly she always has had a lot of other friends around her that she put first.  I do not go out if I do not ask to go out, meaning I am never invited.  I have always had trouble keeping close friends and I know that some of it probably has to do with my overzealous personality.  I know that I talk a little to much and that has been a problem ever since I was young.

One of the other main issues I have is that I am also usually a better friend to my friends than they are to me.  I am there when they need me, I remember birthday and Christmas gifts.  The girl who I have called my best friend for the last several years simply always tells me mine is in the mail, or she forgot it at home then it is never spoken of again.  It is rather depressing to not even be important enough to someone for them to get you a card on your birthday when you consider them to be the person you are closest to.

She used to answer all my texts and e-mails, but never my calls.  I have seen her answer other people's calls when I am with her so I know she picks up the phone for some people.  I know it is time to stop calling her my best friend and move on but it is very hard to just pick up and find new friends at my age.  I guess I am just sad and not wanting to let go but it actually makes me choke up to think about dropping the effort I have been making start anew.  It is hard to be surrounded by people and still be very lonely.

I guess looking back I was never my best friend's best friend anyway...

There is no time like the Present.
It's a gift you open each day.
The time we take
can never be given back.
Some value time as the ultimate gift,
more valuable that words or chores.
It can be kept as a memory stored,
deep inside your heart.
It does no good to put it on a shelf.
You cannot save it for another day.
Each moment in time is precious,
so live in the Gift of the Present today.


-RML-

Mommy Interrupted: Stress Begets Stress

Mommy Interrupted: Stress Begets Stress: "This week has been a hard one for my family. My Dad is going into major heart surgery this coming Tuesday and needless to say we are all st..."

Stress Begets Stress

This week has been a hard one for my family.  My Dad is going into major heart surgery this coming Tuesday and needless to say we are all stressed and worried about how things are going to turn out.  Yes he is going to have one of the top heart surgeons in the country working on him but there are more risks than average because he is Diabetic and has less of an ability to fight off infection.  I am at peace about everything and I really feel like he is going to come through it OK but my mom is super stressed and very cranky which in turn is making me cranky.  My Dad is having a lot of mortality fears right now too so he has been nesting.  Putting the house in order and insisting that everything is spotless and taken care of.  He has been very cranky as well and taking it out on me a lot but I am trying to be understanding because of the situation.  It is just very difficult for everyone not to be at each other's throats when we are all stressed out at the same time and afraid of what will happen if something does go wrong on Tuesday.

My Dad is the glue that holds this family together as well as the voice of reason.  My mom  would be lost without him and I don't ever want to see that happen, especially this early in their lives.  He has always worked to hard and never had much of a chance to enjoy his life and I would love for him to be healthy when he retires so that he can go out and really live for the first time.  He is an amazing artist and I want him to do so many more paintings and learn how to enjoy himself.  I just hope that we can get through this without tearing each other apart from the stress we are dealing with.

Here's to navigating life's trials with a little grace and a lot of endurance...

Why must Adults act like children? Or Why I like city life...

For the past few years I have been living in an apartment unit in my parents residence and it is a beautiful neighborhood that is mostly a retirement community.  I cannot believe the behind the back high school level bickering and rude behavior that goes on here!  I actually miss the suburban neighborhood that I grew up in where non of the neighbors new or talked to each other!  People in this neighborhood smile at you and wave whenever you go by and talk to you when you are on a walk and then they talk about you to the other neighbors and snip about every little thing that bothers them.  It is as bad if not worse than when I was dealing with gossip in High School.  My parents always told me that it is important to act like an adult but really is this how adults behave?  I am appalled by what I have seen here and I cannot wait to get back to the city where my neighbors will mind their own darn business

(Oh and I am also ready for a whole lot less snow!)

Why can't we all get along?

I have seen so many sisters out there that really do get along well and enjoy spending time together.  Even in spite of great differences they can come together and hang out without having a single fight or bickering at all.  I would honestly love it if that were the case with my sister and me.  I love her but I am sad to say I really don't like her.  She is a wonderful Auntie and I will always encourage my daughter to love her and want to be around her.  My sister and I just don't agree on much of anything or get along.

I am not a person to hold grudges but I have to admit that I am still hurt by her.  I am hurt that she barely spoke to me for a year after I had my daughter because she thinks so little of me that she was angry that I had a baby.  She felt that I did not deserve to have a child when she did not have one yet.  I didn't make all the right choices like she did or take the path she chose.  The thing of it is she has screwed up a lot.  I don't judge her for her choices and I just want her to be happy.  I am excited when something good happens in her life and she is jealous when something great happens in mine that she thinks she deserves more than me.  Am I so wrong in thinking that is messed up?! 

 I know I am not perfect by any means but I would like to at the very least be respected by my sister and somehow I know that will never happen.  One of the reasons I feel so alone living out here in the middle of nowhere is that I don't even have anyone to call to talk to about things.  I can't call my sister and expect to have a real conversation where she does not pick on me.  Heck I can't even call and expect her to not be to busy with other things to pick up...

Here is to all the younger sisters who feel like their sister never wanted them to be around.  (Before I was born my sister asked my mom for kittens instead.)